Kirby is a love vacuum

We can play house
It doesn’t mean our marriage is a scam
or that I don’t iron your shirts
or that I’m not carrying your quintuplets
Anakin Joy and Lucius Blue and Lulu Moon and Beatrice Rose
You can name the fifth as long as it’s not Ringo
I didn’t really make you sperm sandwiches for a week
but now that I have the idea you better not forget to buy the mayonnaise again
Or get the same whore two nights in a row
Candy doesn’t really enjoy giving head you know
and what did I say?
No attachments
I cut off locks of your hair when you’re sleeping
I’m planning to clone you when you die
Your war pension will cover the costs
So don’t worry about me
I’m not really going to move to salt lake city
But I am serious about that roving family country band
A White Stripes tribute group is a waste of your voice too
Every time you sing I fall in love with you again
Every time you touch another woman I hit on your best friend
I let him feel me up under the shirt last time you went away
You can beat me if you want
I love it when you do
I show the girls at book club my bruises of passion and I know they’re jealous
It was really nice of you to bring us Tang yesterday
You look good in an apron even Mara said so
I’ll kill you if you ever talk to her though
My mother says our marriage is doomed
She says “Kirby is a love vacuum”
And it’s true
But that’s what I like about you
I want to be used
I’m using you too
And I know men are wolves
But no one else will let me use kitchen utensils in the bedroom
Which is great
Get it?
Was that crap?
Sorry
Will you teach me humour one day?
I know my brain is smaller than yours and everything but I promise to try my hardest
Thanks baby
Oh and while you’re up could you please put the garbage out?